3 Cheesy Romance Novel Covers

I for one am in need of a laugh. So without further ado, I present three of the cheesiest romance novel covers known to man. Not that I’ve ever read them—ahem—I read Shakespeare…lots and lots of Shakespeare.

1. A Very Virile Viking by Sandra Hill

Comment: Maybe I need to brush up on my Scandinavian history, but I didn’t know Vikings wore leather hot pants into battle, or at all… Perhaps hot pants are the secret to his virility? Uh-oh, he’s raising his sword; this Viking is menacing, among other things… Are you scared? I’m scared. It’s not every day you meet a virile Viking, let alone a very virile Viking.

 

2. Heart Mate by Robin D. Owens

Comment: I’m speechless. The cat says it all. Not to mention the stupid title, the cane, the heart necklace that you could buy at Forever 21 for $5.99 or less (I know because my 13 year old cousin has one), the mullet. Yeah…

 

3. The Bewitched Viking by Sandra Hill

Comment: I know, I’m picking on Sandra Hill. Here’s an author that really got screwed over at the art department. Pity her, don’t laugh at her books. Okay, you tell me, is that come-hither-stare and beckoning finger suppose to seduce me or scare the crap out of me? I’m not bewitched, I’m running the other way!
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13 thoughts on “3 Cheesy Romance Novel Covers”

  1. LOL. Just what I needed to remind me of all the terrible covers I’ve come across in my lit life. ::Shudders::

  2. Yah, people either loved or hated that 2001 cover for HeartMate. The title is mine, and the word continues in the series. The cat (telepathic cat with attitude) is mine, too. Cane was actually a sword, so you coulda done a little more riff on that 😉 In the “Jove Magical Love Line” the “magical element” had to be center and that’s the heart necklace, which, of course, he never wore.

    But the reissue cover is more in tune with the times, now…though the tatt is VERY strange and I laughed and laughed when I saw it because I was asked to send in a bunch of jewelry ideas and the art dept. obviously brainstormed “gang.” BTW, since the tatt wasn’t in the book (which I try my hardest to do, including inserting or rewriting), I did a character interview of my hero regarding WHY we don’t see the tatt. That’s on my Worlds Page, HeartMate, Interview re: tattoo.

    Take care,
    Robin

  3. The Bewitched Viking does not look “come-hither,” he just looks like he’s pointing at himself as in “I’m the man.”

    And the Heart Mate? That’s not even sexy or seductive in the way that the others try to be; why can’t we see his chest, or a hint of pecs or muscles?!

    x
    Just a girl

  4. Robin D. Owens:
    You’re right, that is a sword he’s holding. Major correction on my part, I should have enlarged the picture. I hope you aren’t too offended that I included your novel in this post because it in no way is a critique of your writing, but I still feel sorry for what the art/marketing department did to your cover. Were this my novel that I worked so hard writing and they put that cover on it, I would have had a heart attack…

    Just a girl:
    That beckoning finger in The Bewitched Viking cover could be seen in two ways. 1) He’s tempting you, the female reader, to come hither.
    2) He’s pointing at himself and silently saying “You know you want a piece of this.” In which, I, female reader, would respond, “No, thank you.”

    In the HeartMate cover, I think the cat (which is the largest cat I’ve ever seen—it comes up to his knee) is a real turn off. On the other hand, if he had a dog, then that’s a different story.
    Oh, and the weird background reminds me of some weird Scientology novel, something that Tom Cruise would read….another major turn off.

  5. Hey, it’s cool that Robin D. Owens wrote to you! I love it when authors do that–it can make my whole month!

    I’m going to have to check out her website now.

  6. Ok, again, the cat is actually proportional, Zanth “the fish is terrible talk to the chef” is that large in the book. He’s also, very, very old, both of which I hope I set up.

    To be honest, I never knew what to think of that cover (usually my take except for the Luna books…the upcoming Heart Fate looks like it has an old Chuck Norris on the front, and my hero is 23). So I am not offended by any of the comments about the cover.

    BUT, seeing a cover for the first time is always a big deal for me.

    Blessings, and all excerpts are on my READS page. Zanth shows up on page 3 of HeartMate.

    Robin

  7. I’m so, soooo late in this, but I had not seen a response by the author of HeartMate before!! That cover actually spawned an entire blog! (The “covers” site in my link). Robin, if you’re still reading this (or getting updates or something), I want you to know that your book has had far-reaching impact to many, many people. I may have to read it now. 😉

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