Literary Crush Manifesto

If you think this post is a thinly veiled excuse to post more hot guy pictures, you are absolutely RIGHT. How do you know me so well?

Folks, I am a courageous blogger!  I have taken it upon myself to create this post of literary deliciousness for your man candy viewing pleasure. It wasn’t always easy. I shuffled through hottie pics after hottie pics until my eyes (and my loins) were ready to burst into flames. I put myself in danger of excessive lust. All for you. All for you.

But the work of a saint (and yes, I was named after a saint. No joke, just destiny) is never done. There are too many literary hotties for me to catalog in one post, so if you think I missed your favorite man, comment away. Or you could make your own list and spread the goodness all over the internet.

The following are literary dudes that I’ve had a thing for and, like my mind, there are no trends, no logic, no order. I’ve drooled over noble Regency bucks like Mr. Darcy to sensitive high school beta males like Cameron Wolfe to chuvanistic pigs like Stanley Kowalski to evil incarnate types like Jean-Baptise Grenouille.

I’ve taken the liberty of dividing the dudes into two categories: Good Boys vs. Bad Boys.

GOOD BOYS

Nat Eaton

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare.

Nat Eaton needs no introduction. He’s my first literary crush. Wiry, witty, knight-in-shining-armor-y, he’s my #1 hero boy and the reason why I can’t pass by a sailboat without staring off into the distance.  Right now, Nat’s closest look-a-like is Cary Elwes via The Princess Bride.

Jamie Fraser

Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon

Do I really need to qualify why Jamie Fraser is the perfect man or, from the tally count of near fatal injuries he’s suffered throughout the Outlander series, the bionic man? Himself is like a Scottish Superman!

Gilbert Blythe

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

I coveted red hair so Gilbert could yank my pigtails and call me ‘Carrots.’  Oh and SQUEAL! Remember at the end of Anne of Green Gables when he brushed her hair oh so gently and said “I called you ‘Carrots’ because I liked you.” Then he CARESSED her hair and whispered, “Carrots.” As I’m typing this, I’m squealing like a Twilight fangirl. AHHHHHHH!!!
Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Wet-puffy-shirt Colin Firth or Stroll-out-the-mist Matthew McFadyen?  I opted for the latter because  said Regency Buck’s  slow-mo strolling out the mist gave me a lust attack the first time I saw this movie. My favorite Mr. Darcy quote: “My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.”

Sydney Carton

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

He’s THE JACKEL, people, THE JACKEL. Were I Lucie Manette, I’d dump Charles Darnay in an insta-second for Sydney Carton. He lost his head for her! That’s love.

Cameron Wolfe

Fighting Ruben Wolfe and Getting the Girl by Markus Zusak

Cameron is the boyfriend I wished I had in high school. He’s like the caring guy in romantic comedies who loves the girl, but she loves the douche with date rape face, until bad boy breaks her heart and caring guy is there to pick up the pieces and bam! she realizes he’s the one all along. Cue musical montage.

Horatio Hornblower

Horatio Hornblower Novels by C.S. Forester

I cheated. I never read or never finished a Horatio Hornblower book, but I am lovin’ the idea of Hornblower.

This is probably an extension of my ‘boys on boats’ fetish from WOBP.  He cuts a dashing figure, doesn’t he?

Okay, one day I will finish a H.H. book.  Then we shall measure him next to the other men.

BAD BOYS

Steerpike

The Gormenghast Novels by Mervyn Peake

I sympathize with Steerpike despite his wickedness. He’s an antagonist more than a villain, though he did do a number of evil misdeeds: arson, poison, seduction, stabbing, tickling twins with his swordstick, killing random people with a slingshot. I am drawn to his ambition (?), the hotness of JRM in the mini-series (?), his swordsticking skills (?). I understand where he’s coming from. If only someone hugged him when he was a lowly kitchen boy, he would not have turned out maniacal and psychotic. If only someone would hug me…
Heathcliff

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Ditto the hug. Unloved child=evil head bangin’ landlord. But he LOVES Cathy, sure, they made each other miserable and he inadvertently killed her, but he said, and I quote “I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul!” Bangs head on tree. That’s …like…soul mate speak. Soul mates.


Mr. Rochester

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

He’s got a crazed wife stowed away in the attic and a French love child, what’s not to love?
Rhett Butler

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Oh, he’s a naughty one. Favorite R.B. line: “You should be kissed and often. And by someone who knows how.”  Oh, I bet he knows how…

Second favorite R.B. line: “I’d like to see this girl…without her Mammy.”

Jett Rink

Giant by Edna Ferber

Haven’t read the book, but I worship the movie.

YOU. MUST. WATCH. THIS. MOVIE. And when I’ve climbed halfway up Mt. TBR, I’ll add the book to the stack.

I think I’m drawn to ambition, particularly when it’s used for evil. Jett is a Texan Heathcliff/Steerpike combo, proving once again that success is the best revenge.

Jean Baptiste Grenouille

Perfume, the Story of  Murderer by Patrick Suskind

So what if JBG is evil incarnate? So what if he used his nasal superpower to slaughter 25 virginal girls to make the ultimate perfume? Okay, I can’t really explain why he’s on my list, but I am strangely drawn to both the book and movie version of this character. I um, I like his sneer.

Gentleman Rivers

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters.

He played those girls! Played them like a deck of cards.

Stanley Kowalski

A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams

Animal magnetism, tight white t-shirt, and “Steeellllaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!”  I wouldn’t want to be Stella and live under Stanley’s Napoleonic Code, or maybe I do. No, I don’t. Maybe I do. No, I don’t!

Brick Pollitt

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams

He was so mean to his wife, so freaking mean, so freaking drunk, so many freaking clicks in his head. Brick’s on my list because Cat was my first Paul Newman movie and holyshit Paul Newman’s hot!!!

CRUSHABLE  AUTHORS


Young Ernest Hemingway

I don’t like reading Hemingway, but I like looking at his WWI pictures. So clean cut, so sexy. In junior year, I use to have my literature book propped open to this picture (below) while the other girls swooned over N’Sync.  The measure of a man is determined by how much shrapnel he could take in the leg.

Markus Zusak

In my mind, Markus the author is forever merged with his character Cameron Wolfe. Plus, he’s my boyfriend’s doppelganger.

John Green

I like nerds and nerdfighters! After reading Paper Towns, I dub John Green the Chuck Norris of the YA scene.

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15 thoughts on “Literary Crush Manifesto

  1. So much love for this post I don’t even know where to begin 🙂

    I adore Anne of Green Gables but I’ve never seen it adapted, maybe I should…so very sweet 🙂

    Colin Firth. But I haven’t seen the most recent one 😉

    I loved loved LOVED Ioan Gruffudd in Amazing Grace. *sigh* yummy!

    Rhett Butler, oh my. Now there’s a man. Bad boys aren’t my type, but my type can change (that quote about kissing is one of my favourites!)

    I can’t think of any others off the top of my head but I’ll post a list on my blog soon.

    x
    JAG

  2. I lurve Cat on a Hot Tin Roof! I got it for Christmas a couple years ago from my Grandma; she thought it was hilarious when my mom told her how much I love old movies.

    I don’t count it as a literary crush, though, because I love Brick due to Paul Newman’s insane gorgeousness. So beautiful. And such an awesome person in real life (even though he almost always played an ass!). I want to go back in time and marry Paul Newman and start our own organic food line with all the money donated to charity. *sigh*

    Having read the first four (in published order) Horatio Hornblowers, he’s DEFINITELY a crush worth having!!! 😀

  3. This = awesome post. Quite swoonworthy.

    I don’t usually admit to crushes on fictional characters, (mainly ’cause I find them kind of embarrassing), but I already told you how much I crushed on Gilbert when I was a kiddie. I was also over the moon about Taran from Lloyd Alexander’s Prydain books, mainly because the editions I had featured some very sexy cover illustrations.

  4. This post was so great! I loled haha Who knew Ernest Hemingway was so hot? And john green is totally my nerdy literary crush. Also, I had no idea Markus Zusak was cute…and why am I only focused on authors? I loved gilbert too and stanley kowalski…umm RAWR!
    The guy from perfume….yea that’s a weird one…I mean the actor’s cute but that guy was just all kinds of creepy lol

  5. I came across your blog awhile ago…and had to read all the posts with Nat Eaton in them. I love Nat Eaton! (I also love James Lindsay in Gloria Whelan’s “Island Trilogy” – ever read it?)

    Gilbert Blythe was always another favorite of mine. (Though Jet Rink and Rhett Butler are pretty high on my list of favorites as well.)

    People of my generation tend to think of me as a little crazy for loving so many old books, movies, and characters. I tend to think they are crazy for NOT loving them!

  6. Excuse me while I wipe off my drool.

    Okay, I’m done. I totally have to read about Gentleman Rivers. I love fictional guys who play girls like a deck of cards!

    I can’t believe I’m saying this but I haven’t read Anne of Green Gables properly. I know, I know…where have I been?? Good to know I have more incentive to pick it up with all the Gilbert lurve I see everywhere.

    I’m going to say again that Gen from the Queen’s Thief series so makes it to my list of literary crushes. He’s right up there with Nat Eaton! ❤

  7. Throughout this post, I giggled like a 13-year-old girl standing dangerously close to being elbow-to-elbow with her eighth-grade crush! And I liked it.

    Oh, Mr. Darcy… and so many of these other random, deliriously hot guys I’ve never heard of! So many great undiscovered characters! Definitely going to acquaint myself with some of them soon. 🙂

    My biggest literary crush of all time has no “real life” counterpart because the books haven’t been made into films, but it’s Marcus Flutie from Megan McCafferty’s Jessica Darling series. I worry that he’s ruined me forever for any real-life boyfriends.

    OH? And John Green? Swoooooon. I drool all over myself where Jonathan Safran Foer is concerned, too. It’s embarrassing for me!

  8. If I were making a literary crush list of authors, I would have to include Dave Eggers who wrote A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius…which I loved, even though I haven’t quite finished it.
    I however, developed my crush on him when I heard him speak at a local bookstore in DC and watched him present other authors to us (which he continues to do, in and out of McSweeneys) and sit by, listening with the most endearing smile on his face, almost like a proud father. Sort of like he is in this photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Eggers
    Delicious. And according to all reports, he’s a very nice guy, as well.

  9. You adore Anne of Green Gables? DO NOT WATCH THE ADAPTATION!!! ESPECIALLY NOT THE LAST PARTS! They practically butcher the books and invent their own stories, just like in so many other adaptations. As if the book that was loved by MILLIONS through DECADES was somehow lacking?
    Besides, the poor boy playing Gilbert was not Gilbert. In my mind he’s something close to Gregory Peck, but I love Gregory Peck. Jonathan just doesn’t do it for me.

    I have seen the Keira Knightley version and it stinks. Colin Firth. Colin and Jennifer were the reason to Jane Austen fever, and every Jane Austen movie and book made since 1995. Also, Colin Firth was the reason for Bridget Jones’ Diary 🙂
    He IS mr Darcy 🙂

    JRM is amazing. The book is so darn boring. Steerpike doesn’t evoke any amorous feelings in me.

    Horation Hornblower isn’t as hot as Ioan might indicate. They are… boy books.

    Also, Sean Bean is very nice, but he’s 50 and Jamie is supposed to be like half his age if not younger. I know Alan Rickman manages to play a man half his age, but he isn’t supposed to be someone’s love interest, but more like a father figure… So, no, not Sean Bean as Jamie, please. You could choose someone like Jason Lewis with red hair to “play” Jamie 😀 (I know he’s almost 40 now, and doesn’t look quite as good as he did only 5 years ago… perhaps Ian Harding?)

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