My pocket protector is better than your pocket protector

At dayjob (in my darker moments I refer to it as slavejob) I carry around an arsenal of pens. This is a requirement as I sign away my LIFE every single day. Mostly I carry around these pens in hopes that one day I may jab one in my eye and put myself out of my misery. But let’s save the ‘death by writing instrument’ talk for another day. So pens. Lots of pens, my friends. Sharpies. Markers. Ballpoint beauties that you click or twist or uncap. And here’s a secret between you and me: sometimes I carry around UNCAPED pens. Here’s another secret: I LIKE IT! I am an ink wielding deviant! My pockets are as stained as my soul.

So last summer I splurged on a pocket protector and became the envy of one and all. My pocket protector is made of clear plastic. I would’ve liked to purchase a neon glow-in-the-dark one like the kind you see the nerds wear on Saved by the Bell, but alas, it was not to be. Still, I was the only cool cat in the office with a pocket protector until…

I discovered that someone else has a pocket protector made of FABRIC. Not only is it made of fabric, but it has DOUBLE POCKETS for double the protection. Why, Office Supply Gods, why? Mark my words: I do not like being usurped! Now I am not so cool anymore carrying around a plastic pp when *she* is flaunting her fabric pp. It’s like elementary school all over again: I had a Trapper Keeper and then someone gets their rich daddy to buy them a Five Star. So unfair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Felt good to get that off my chest. I’m going to go now and throw a tantrum on the floor.

I begin 2011 freezing in my whale hunter jacket

As I’m writing this, I am wearing two pairs of pants, one turtleneck, a fleecy sweater, and a big puffy whale hunter jacket, fur lined hood pulled up. God I feel cool, no pun intended. Actually, I feel like I could join forces with Ernest Shackleton on Elephant Island and maybe nibble on cubes of Walrus fat for sustenance. I must stop typing every few seconds and blow hot pockets of air into my frozen palms.  I am also thinking of adding an extra pair of socks over the socks I already have on. This is the perfect time to pick a fight; my extra padding is the ultimate body armor. If you punch me I doubt I’ll feel it.

What does this have to do with books? Either I need to read a book set in warmer climes (any recs?) or I’m about to tear up the pages of a few Horrible Dare Novels and start a bonfire OR stuff them down my Whale Hunter jacket or dare I say it? down my pants. More padding is always appreciated.

Anyway, to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution to blog more, I just wanted to wow you with two totally random things.

A collage of My Wardrobe Remix of Spring-Fall of 2010. They remind me of warmer days when I looked normal and not like I’m about to spear a polar bear. In case you’re wondering if I’m a secret mother: I have not yet produced offspring (and probably won’t if I keep referring to children as ‘offspring.’) The little girl is my cousin, I call her Mini Me, and I borrowed her for picture purposes because she likes to ladypose more than I do.

And I’ve always wanted to do a Teaser Tuesday, except I’m going to be a maverick and do it on Monday. Since I’m not reading anything at this moment, I will grab the closest book and flip to a random page.

This book is Monster by Christopher Pike.

Teaser sentence: “We ate together. In a restaurant. We didn’t eat anybody.”