My pocket protector is better than your pocket protector

At dayjob (in my darker moments I refer to it as slavejob) I carry around an arsenal of pens. This is a requirement as I sign away my LIFE every single day. Mostly I carry around these pens in hopes that one day I may jab one in my eye and put myself out of my misery. But let’s save the ‘death by writing instrument’ talk for another day. So pens. Lots of pens, my friends. Sharpies. Markers. Ballpoint beauties that you click or twist or uncap. And here’s a secret between you and me: sometimes I carry around UNCAPED pens. Here’s another secret: I LIKE IT! I am an ink wielding deviant! My pockets are as stained as my soul.

So last summer I splurged on a pocket protector and became the envy of one and all. My pocket protector is made of clear plastic. I would’ve liked to purchase a neon glow-in-the-dark one like the kind you see the nerds wear on Saved by the Bell, but alas, it was not to be. Still, I was the only cool cat in the office with a pocket protector until…

I discovered that someone else has a pocket protector made of FABRIC. Not only is it made of fabric, but it has DOUBLE POCKETS for double the protection. Why, Office Supply Gods, why? Mark my words: I do not like being usurped! Now I am not so cool anymore carrying around a plastic pp when *she* is flaunting her fabric pp. It’s like elementary school all over again: I had a Trapper Keeper and then someone gets their rich daddy to buy them a Five Star. So unfair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Felt good to get that off my chest. I’m going to go now and throw a tantrum on the floor.


3 thoughts on “My pocket protector is better than your pocket protector”

  1. This is too funny! I also have pen issues at work, but my problem stems from the fact that my pens are constantly being stolen. I’ve tried writing my name on the pens, covering them with stickers, attaching brightly colored flags onto the ends, and even duct taping them to a rubber band, which was then duct taped onto the table (when I came in after the weekend, the pen had been ripped off the rubber band). I’m beginning to realize that my flashy additions serve only to tantalize the theives and apparently make the pens more valuable. Maybe I should get a pocket protector and just keep them on me at all times.

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