Squeal! OMFG! And other high-pitched fangirl sound effects

I haven’t blogged in ages and most of my readers (if there are any left) are probably tiffed at me for disappearing without reappearing, so I’ll start by apologizing and humming some lines from Evita –“hum hum hum… you must love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

In the interim, I’ve finished the 4th draft of my novel and am editing the hell out of it.  It has everything I love in a book: sex, lies, ghosts, atmospheric fog, haunted houses, knives, dark family secrets, love four squares (which is more salacious than your run of the mill Love Triangle), people slapping people in the face, and cat fights.  Prepare to learn NOTHING and be scandalized. My novel has the nutritional value of a bag of cheese doodles. I intend to make you fat. Optimistically speaking, I hope to query by mid-Jan to late Feb.

In other squeal-able news: you are aware that I have this unhealthy, stalkerish obsession for Christopher Pike, right? This morning, I woke up to a comment by the elusive Pike himself! I was skeptical at first, but after a thorough cross-examination of possible suspects who could be effing with me, I’ve concluded that the comment could be authentic. And then I proceeded to glitter like a Cullen. Imagine! C.Pike was on my blog. Maybe trolling through my archives? This is the stuff DREAMS are made of! Not your dreams. My dreams.

Read the comment yourself. I hope he doesn’t mind. And I really hope he hadn’t stumbled upon the post in which I compared him to The Phantom of the Opera.

T.Y. This is the real Christopher Pike. My gf caught your blog and she asked me to wish you a happy birthday because…well, I just had a birthday, on November 12th, and she thought you would be happy to hear from me on such a special day, even if I am a little late. Oh, and I’m supposed to deny being someone crazy on Amazon. I get that occasionally, where someone says they’re me. The one place I do often post is on the main Christopher Pike fan page on Facebook. That guy IS me, and you can write me there, although I often take a while to respond. But be reassured that I don’t post reviews of my books and I never attack people who dislike my novels, especially since I’m probably my own worst critic!
Yours, Christopher Pike aka Kevin McFadden
P.S. I do run. I do wear New Balance shoes.
P.S.S. Unfortunately, I don’t look like Harrison Ford. More like the Elephant Man. Sorry.

Stop being humble Christopher Pike! If by ‘Elephant Man,’ you mean THIS:

Advertisements

My Stalker Mug

It’s not easy being a stalker…

But having a ginormous mug commemorating your creeper status does bring a tear to my eye.

Surely I jest. I’m not really a stalker. NOT YET! (More jesting). Rest assured, you won’t find me hiding in Christopher Pike’s bushes clutching a pair of binoculars any time soon. I prefer the telephoto lens…

I am, however, the queen of the inside joke. So much so that one of my co-workers made this mug for me.

That’s supposed to be me! My heart-shaped sunglasses represents my lovestruck status, but I think it makes me look certifiably insane. I also have fairy wings and an abnormally large head. In real life, I do resemble a walking candy apple. Too much brain!  Since I like to think of Christopher Pike as a reclusive and  romantic figure akin to The Phantom of the Opera, the tag says “Call me your ANGEL OF FICTION!”

Tag: “I Love Stalking C. Pike.”

I hope Christopher Pike doesn’t take a break from writing his novels of the night, Google himself, and stumble upon this post. The last thing I need is another restraining order…

 

 

 

I begin 2011 freezing in my whale hunter jacket

As I’m writing this, I am wearing two pairs of pants, one turtleneck, a fleecy sweater, and a big puffy whale hunter jacket, fur lined hood pulled up. God I feel cool, no pun intended. Actually, I feel like I could join forces with Ernest Shackleton on Elephant Island and maybe nibble on cubes of Walrus fat for sustenance. I must stop typing every few seconds and blow hot pockets of air into my frozen palms.  I am also thinking of adding an extra pair of socks over the socks I already have on. This is the perfect time to pick a fight; my extra padding is the ultimate body armor. If you punch me I doubt I’ll feel it.

What does this have to do with books? Either I need to read a book set in warmer climes (any recs?) or I’m about to tear up the pages of a few Horrible Dare Novels and start a bonfire OR stuff them down my Whale Hunter jacket or dare I say it? down my pants. More padding is always appreciated.

Anyway, to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution to blog more, I just wanted to wow you with two totally random things.

A collage of My Wardrobe Remix of Spring-Fall of 2010. They remind me of warmer days when I looked normal and not like I’m about to spear a polar bear. In case you’re wondering if I’m a secret mother: I have not yet produced offspring (and probably won’t if I keep referring to children as ‘offspring.’) The little girl is my cousin, I call her Mini Me, and I borrowed her for picture purposes because she likes to ladypose more than I do.

And I’ve always wanted to do a Teaser Tuesday, except I’m going to be a maverick and do it on Monday. Since I’m not reading anything at this moment, I will grab the closest book and flip to a random page.

This book is Monster by Christopher Pike.

Teaser sentence: “We ate together. In a restaurant. We didn’t eat anybody.”

The Secret of Ka

The Secret of Ka by Christopher Pike

I have a secret crush on Christopher Pike, the mysterious author of those candy-colored teen thrillers of the ‘80’s and ‘90’s. Like Big Foot, Pike is something of an urban legend. I like to imagine he’s like lives in a haunted mansion by the sea and writes his novels at night…like the Phantom of the Opera! Some days I wonder if he resembles Harrison Ford, on other days—given his Star Trek pseudonym—he may look like Spock (from the new Star Trek movie. So pointy-eared, so logically sexy). Of all the authors I admire, C.Pike is the one I would most like to meet. If I play my cards right, he might call me his ANGEL OF FICTION!!!! He may also whisper in my ear: “Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in. To the power of the novels that I write. The power of the NOVELS OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!”
Which is why I hope he never stumbles upon this review…
The Secret of Ka. Sigh…

Oh Christopher Pike, why have you forsaken me? I know from experience that you’ve written 40+ novels, some great, some just okay, and some just plain bad. They can’t all be winners. Nobody will ever mistake The Secret of Ka for a winner…
So Sara is visiting her CEO father in Istanbul when she crosses paths with Amesh, a one-armed delivery boy with a one-note personality. The same could be said for Sara, and I don’t mean the one-arm part. They discover a magic carpet at her father’s job site and steer the rug to a remote island where they unleash a genie. This is all very Aladdin except, wait for it… genies are evil and they want your soul!
Fueled by a driving need to bring the jihad on the bastards who cut off his arm, Amesh morphs into a wish greedy fiend. He hijacks the magic carpet, marooning Sara on the island after eating all her power bars. Then, if memory serves me right, he kidnaps Sara’s dad at knife point. Despite the fact that she’s only known him for a day and he has all the makings of a homicidal maniac, Sara still loves him. He’s just so darn cute! Anyways, all is well because…oh what the heck… there are ALIENS involved. And by aliens, I mean *whispers* her dad is an alien, not from outer space, but from a fourth dimension race of snake people. Oh, and he’s not really her father.
I’ve come to expect WTFery from Christopher Pike. In fact, I rather like it when there’s helicopter chases or teens morphing into vampire bats as long as it’s entertaining. That’s not to say that The Secret of Ka didn’t have its moments. It did, however, lack the ‘cool factor’ and passion of Pike’s earlier books and I wonder if it’s because Secret of Ka read more like a middle grade novel than a YA. I miss the resourceful protagonists that used to populate Pike’s older novels; the ones who made elaborate plans that usually involves buying a shotgun without an ID or siphoning gasoline to blow up monsters. Alas, times have changed since the days Pike ruled the YA shelves and I guess he can’t write ‘80’s gore anymore.
This was not the worst novel I’ve ever read. It’s certainly not anywhere near the best. C-.
Damn my honesty! Now Pike will never call me his ANGEL OF FICTION!

Pumpkin Patch & Library Loot

October means I must post the obligatory pumpkin patch picture! Since it’s my first ever foray in a pumpkin patch, I do many bookish pose. Do you recognize the “Alas Poor Yorrick” and “Twilight Hands”? Oh SILLY, thy name is me! This was taken at Tanaka Farms in Orange County and the house shots are from my morning stroll in Old Towne Orange.

Ever read Practical Magic? I did, then stopped and picked up Garden Spells which is like Practical Magic but better. Anyway, the grand Victorian reminded me of the Practical Magic house. When I was a kid, I always fantasized about having an eccentric aunt who suddenly drops dead and wills me her spooky Victorian and black cat. I’d move in and explore, maybe prowl around the nearby graveyard with a flashlight and a wisecracking sidekick. My daydream sounds like all the popular Middle Grade novels of the ’90’s.

Books! This week I looted:

1. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

2. Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly

3. Witch by Christopher Pike.

Which one should I start on first?

In other news:

*Blue Moon Magnolia is a pumpkin carving genius! Check out her homage to Jamie Fraser’s naked behind.

*NaNoWriMo approaches! And once again, I will be re-writing, revising, polishing my pacing. In other words, I need to teach myself how to pace a novel. People can’t make out until I’ve established the romantic tension leading up to said making out. It’s interesting to note that 90% of my thoughts revolve around creating the proper atmosphere for sexy times and I’m not even writing a romance novel! Or maybe I am and don’t know it yet… In any event, I found Jennifer Cruise’s The Five Things I Learned About Writing Romance from TV essay extremely helpful to my predicament. Sigh. Sexy Times will be the death of me!  But that doesn’t stop me from cheering on those of you who are crazy enough to write 50K in a month. I do so love the community spirit!

 

 

The Birthday Post

It’s that time of the year again… I am at the age where I stop telling people my age.

I believe a collage of Yours Truly frolicking in my new birthday dress is required. I tried to leave out pictures of my face in case someone sees my ‘staring off into the distance’ pose or my ‘Elvis Jailhouse Rock’ pose or my ‘smelling the wilted sunflower’ pose and is tempted to stalk me. Speaking of stalking…

I’ve been wondering about Christopher Pike’s mysterious identity and his equally mysterious origins a lot lately. After some intensive internet searches, I’ve drawn the following conclusions:

a) He looks like a young Harrison Ford (I get a lot of snickers on this one)

b) He’s lived in L.A. but now resides on a beach house on a cliff in Santa Barbara.

b) He’s a runner and probably wears New Balance Sneakers. Not that I’m particularly partial to New Balance but Pumas seem too hipster-ish for Pike, who I imagine as a casual dresser

c) He wears half rim glasses for the computer

d) I don’t believe for a second that the pensive picture of Pike on his Amazon page is his real picture. Why would someone as private as Pike post his picture online? I smell a red herring!

e) Since he derived his pseudonym from Star Trek, I bet he frequents Star Trek conventions and if I attend an L.A. Trekkie convention, the chances of me running into him are high. On the other hand, he could be dressed as a Klingon and that might throw me off given that I don’t speak Klingon. Now I wonder if I should learn the language so I could communicate with Mr. Pike…

f) I haven’t discarded the possibility that he may be a vampire…

Okay, because of these theories, my co-workers now think that I am a stalker. I call it Nancy Drew-style sleuthing. They’ve advised me to “Give it up! You’ll never crack the Christopher Pike puzzle.” But they don’t understand that the Pike Puzzle is like a Ghostwriter mystery I have to crack.  On the bright side, everybody wants to read Christopher Pike due to my stalking!

It isn’t a birthday unless I ramble about something weird…

Cheap Thrills and Other Bookish Shenanigans

I used to never buy books because I never had anywhere to put them. Never had the green to back up what adds up to a very expensive hobby. The library was the one and only lifeline feeding my reading addiction. Until now…

At a dollar a piece, how could I resist? Behold! The loot! And it only cost me $4.

In exchange for reading Outlander, I promised Maree that I’d read The First Man in Rome. When I’ll fulfill this promise I cannot tell you for I am saddled with the ultimate ball and chain: a WIP that must be perfected by the end of this year or else my ego will take a beating. Since I am all ego, any blow is a death blow.

A brand new hardcover of A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly. I had fond memories of reading it some two years ago. I don’t have the time to re-read books, but that doesn’t stop me from gazing nostalgically at the physical book and pulling it from my shelf from time to time to finger the fine quality paper and sigh over random shit circulating in my mind.

Finally, two more Christopher Pikes: Monster and Spellbound to add to my growing pile of Pikes.

I am only posting my Pike collection because it makes some of you seethe with jealousy. Ha! The Pikes are mine! Okay. Sometimes I like to get in touch with my altruistic side and contribute to the lack of Pike cover art images on the web. Also, the Book Smugglers has two excellent posts about Pike here and here. *shakes virtual fist* Read. Them.

In other news, I have started L.A. Candy for the Horrible Dare Challenge. Three chapters in and I’m still waiting for the plot to begin…