1. The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness: I must find out how Todd Hewitt is going to get out of the shit at the end of The Knife of Never Letting Go. I have questions, the title of this book promises ANSWERS.

2. A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby: For It’s A Wonderful Dare Challenge.

3. The Minotaur by Barbara Vine: For It’s a Wonderful Dare Challenge.

4. The Woman in Black by Susan Hill: Eva covets this book but her library doesn’t carry it. I will read it for her and try not to rub it in.

Books Read in October

1. Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr

2. An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon

3. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

3 books in October. Rather pitiful. For every book I read, I abandon two. There were a lot of misfires this month; the three books you see above survived my picky tastes.

By now you should know that no Library Loot post is complete without a random picture. The flavor of the week is this pensive picture of Ed Westwick A.K.A. Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. I am drawn to his squinty-eyed smoulder. He is the FIRE!!!

Chuck Bass is the Bruce Patman of the O.M.G. generation.

Replace 1BRUCE1 with “Damn that MotherChucker!”

P.S. I can stare at this picture of Bruce until the end of time! He gropes me with his eyes.

They are both very feral, a trait that I know all too well about…

Thirst No. 1 by Christopher Pike

Remember in Rambo II when Rambo spears some unfortunate evil dude and said evil dude BLEW UP? Something of that nature happens in this re-issue of a ‘90’s vampire classic. Rest assured, people will explode, sometimes spontaneously, sometimes on account of sniper rifles and rocket launchers, and, if you’re a pro at suspending your disbelief, Pike will take you on a high octane roller costar ride and then blow YOU up.

In a thinly veiled attempt to ride the YA vampire train to riches and glory, the publishers of Christopher Pike’s backlist have re-issued the first three novels (The Last Vampire, Black Blood, Red Dice)  of his bestselling Last Vampire series in this thrilling pulp omnibus.

Sita is a five thousand year old vampire: blond, beautiful, and a certified badass. She’s also the last of the bloodsuckers and, as the story begins, she’s the new girl in Mayfair, a sleepy town in the Pacific Northwest. In history class, she meets Ray, a sensitive teen hunk and here I almost sent this book back to the library unread; I felt like I read this story before. In this case, I’m secretly beating a certain author who shall not be named with the plagiarism stick because I suspect Pike was probably rocking out to Nirvana when he penned The Last Vampire which is to say this chick came before that egg hatched at twilight. Plus, Sita glittered too…for logical reasons, radioactive fallout being one of them.

Out of loyalty to Pike, I soldiered through the “I drink blood and you must think this is unique” bit to the “So the lion falls in love with the lamb: I have no soul, but he has soul enough for two” crap and I am glad. There are…HELICOPTER CHASES, DEADLY FLUTE PLAY-OFFS, RABID VAMPIRE DOGS, and someone gets SPEARED with a JAVELIN (I do love a good spearing).

Let’s speak plainly. Ray—Sita’s mortal lover and ‘soul mate’—was such a sniveling wimp he makes Bella Swan look like Chuck Norris. I doubt I’m the only reader who felt this way, which is why it was so cool when Christopher Pike, probably sensing the inherent lameness of this character, BLEW HIM UP!!!! Have you ever come across a character you can’t stand and wish the author would make him or her (*cough* Bella) spontaneously combust and then the author READ YOUR MIND and plopped this annoying character next to a leaky gas tank and lit a match? This…and helicopter chases, is why Christopher Pike is the king of YA pulp.

Count me in for Thirst No. 2. I have to find out what happens after Sita launched the nuclear warheads and nuked Vegas. Don’t you dare laugh! The way I see it, vampire stories are already far-fetched; why not crank the lever to full-throttle and juice the horror/sci fi genre for all it’s worth? Pike holds nothing back. And it shows. I suspect Pike had as much fun writing The Last Vampire as I had reading it.

This series may win no awards, but an annoying character is blown up and that’s the biggest award of all. Suffice to say, many a coma-inducing classic could use an unnecessary explosion.

As for a rating, I give this a B+ for Blockbuster.

As deemed by Care of Care’s Online Book Club, Nov. 1 is “Thinking of Chartroose Day.”

Remember…oh, a month ago, when I crafted a Jonathan Rhys Meyers collage + hot guy photos to lure the elusive Chartroose of Bloody Hell, It’s a Book Barrage! out from her blogging hiatus and threatened to put her Jodie Foster-esque face on a milk carton?

Chartroose commented: “Damn you to hell! Now I have to come back.” Except she’s NOT back and I miss her and sometimes I stare off into the distance and wonder why? Why Chartroose? Then the Lionel Richie song starts to play “Hello? Is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes….I can see it in your smile…” and I cry into my morning bowl of Count Chocula.

Okay.  I think…I think I’ve revealed too much.

Bloody Hell, Chartroose! Where are you?

I’ve made buttons in honor of Chartroose Day!!!!!

As you recall, last summer Raych and I dared each other to read three puke-inducing books in what was the first annual Horrible Dare Challenge. Later, we dared to delight in the Wonderful Dare Challenge.

DELIGHT & DESTROY are the themes of these challenges.

Yesterday, I fed all my spare geek time to my creative hobby horse and now we have BUTTONS! Buttons means our hastily cobbled together rules are official! So far, the only participants in our mad little games are um, Raych and myself…and we’re feeling a little Rosencrantz & Guildenstern here so feel free to steal the buttons and join us!

To recap: The Wonderful Dare Challenge (still running!).

I delight Raych

Raych’s counter-delight to me.

Horrible Dare Challenge ‘09 (finito. Thank God!):

Raych tries to destroy me and I suffer thrice:

1) The Favored Child

2) The Patmans of SVH

3) BSC: Claudia and the Little Liar

I try to destroy Raych and her pain in thirds:

1) Dawn

2)SVH: Dear Sister

3) Evermore

An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon

Let’s dive into the meat and potatoes and dispense with back story. If you haven’t read Outlander, I will slap you upside the head: “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you want to be my book soul mate?” In a few words, Outlander is a historical romantic epic with a time-travel bonus and Jamie Fraser—the hottest, most complex male character ever created by a woman. Also, I want to give him my flower and he will make me BLOSSOM!!! But that’s private talk for later…

An Echo in the Bone is the long awaited Book 7 and there really is no way to talk about it without spoiling its predecessors, so if you’re an Outlander virgin, look away.

When last we left Jamie & Claire, they were perched on the eve of the American Revolution and there’s talk of returning to Scotland to fetch Jamie’s printing press. Jamie, being older and wiser, will fight this war with his words instead of with his broadsword. Meanwhile, there are misadventures involving pirates and espionage and 18^th century amputations.

There are complications heaped upon complications and run-ins involving characters who you thought were dead but were MISTAKEN and the adopted son of a certain man-rapist crosses paths with the bastard son of a certain red fox and there’s a paternity issue that’s Star Wars “Noooooo!!!! You’re not my father!!!!!” all over again. Unless you are a diehard Outlander fan, you will have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.

By this time, Jamie and Claire are old enough to be my parents but they still do the deed…in the barn where Jamie touches Claire THERE and in the garden where Jamie touches himself THERE…and I am blown away and fanning myself because their middle age deed doing is still as hot as their young and supple mmmphing. *Cranks up electric fan to full blast*

And speaking of hot, I’m in love with Young Ian who has morphed into this ridiculously feral Last of the Mohicans frontiersman. There is a love triangle involving Young Ian, William (Jamie’s bastard son) and a feisty Quakeress—I am hereby drawing a line in the sand in favor of Team Ian! I’m also officially in love with Diana for jumping on the love triangle bandwagon and heeding the universal fangirl call for choosing Teams.

It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: serious shit goes down in the last 100 pages. Shit that you won’t believe CAN happen WILL happen and said shit won’t be resolved until the next book which better be drafted and in the editing stage by now… I can’t wait 4-5 years!

You’ve just read a review written by hormones alone. To summarized: I am still in love with Jamie Fraser, but I wouldn’t mind giving my flower to Young Ian…and Roger…and William…also, the Beardsley Twins, maybe Lord John. This flower is starting to resemble Lindsey Lohan’s flower: soiled beyond recognition.

Ideally, this post that should have waited until the end of the year, except I can’t wait! I am a creature of impulse puuuurrrrrr and I must show and tell NOW. October-December are noticeably missing.

Isn’t it pretty? Just let your eyes skim over the inconsistent formatting. Formatting does not a good blog post make. A fantastic blog post is born out of love. I sat here and crafted these non-matching collages out of LOVE for reading and not because I have a slight OCD problem which demands visuals.

Jan 2009

1. The Ghost Writer—John Harewood

2. The Little Prince—Antoine De Saint-Exuprey

3. Fingersmith—Sarah Waters

4. No Plot? No Problem!—Chris Baty

5. Stein on Writing—Sol Stein

6. 20 Master Plots—Ronald Tobias

7. Housekeeping vs. the Dirt—Nick Hornby

Feb 2009

1. Here on Earth—Alice Hoffman

2. Silk—Alessandro Barcio

3. How I Write—Janet Evanovich

4. Nefertiti—Michelle Moran

5. Aquamarine—Alice Hoffman

6. Indigo—Alice Hoffman

March 2009

1. Garden Spells—Sarah Addison Allen

2. Incantation—Alice Hoffman

3. Holidays on Ice (Santaland Diaries)—David Sedaris

4. The Heretic Queen—Michelle Moran

5. The Sugar Queen—Sarah Addison Allen

6. Tipping the Velvet—Sarah Waters

7. The Hunger Games—Suzanne Collins

April 2009

1. Graceling—Kristin Cashore

2. Paper Towns—John Green

3. What I Saw and How I Lied—Judy Bundell

4. Danse Macabre—Stephen King

5. The Running Man–Stephen King

6. Rapunzel’s Revenge–Shannon and Dean Hale

7. Wintergirls–Laurie Halse Anderson

May 2009

1. Perfect You—Elizabeth Scott

2. Dreadful Skin—Cherie Priest

3. Someone Like You—Sarah Dessen

4. Stuff White People Like—Christian Lander

5. Those Who Went Remain There Still—Cherie Priest

6. The Big Sleep—Raymond Chandler

June 2009

1. That Summer—Sarah Dessen

2. Liquor—Poppy Z. Brite

3. Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels—Sarah Wendell & Candy Tan

4. Nerd in Shining Armor—Vicky Lewis Thompson

5. My Nerdy Valentine—Vicky Lewis Thompson

6. The First Five Pages—Noah Lukeman

7. Lord of Scoundrels—Loretta Chase

8. Shadowed Summer—Saundra Mitchell

July 2009

1. Cooking up a Storm—Emma Holly

2. Tender Morsels—Margo Lanagan

3. Notes on a Scandal—Zoe Heller

4. The Notebook—Nicholas Sparks

5. The Babysitter’s Club: Claudia and the Little Liar—Ann M. Martin

6. The Patmans of Sweet Valley High—Francine Pascal

August 2009

1. Bad Girls Don’t Die—Katie Alender

2. The Favored Child—Philippa Gregory

3. Along for the Ride—Sarah Dessen

September 2009

1. The White Darkness—Geraldine McCaughrean
2. Catching Fire—Suzanne Collins
3. The Knife of Never Letting Go—Patrick Ness
4. Vintage L.A.—Jennifer Brandt Taylor
5. Cleopatra’s Daughter—Michelle Moran
6. The Princess Bride—William Goldman

1. Thirst No. 1—Christopher Pike

2. Her Fearful Symmetry—Audrey Niffenegger

3. Leviathan—Scott Westerfeld

4. I, Claudius—Robert Graves

I’m slowly dipping my toe back into blogging. I spent a week reading Echo in the Bone until the wee hours of the morning, BUT I had to get up at the same time. Suffice to say, last week was fueled by caffeine and Jamie Fraser lust and the rest…a zombie-shuffling blur. Lack of sleep + kid sneezing in my face=the cold. I just sneezed on my laptop.

In other news, I’m working on an OCD project to collage all my BOOKS READ 2009. It takes the list even farther because there are pictures! Pictures! Wow, right? Right?!!!

Also, I lust after James Dean, which has nothing to do with my library loot or my insane collage project, but there it is. He is hot.

There is only one book in my library loot this week. That book is THE BOOK…

The long awaited An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon, Book 7 in The Outlander Series.

I don’t think I need to tell you how long I’ve coveted this book. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know all about the drama last week in which I was obsessively checking my holds and ready to fall on my sword if it didn’t come right away.

Now I have THE BOOK in my possession and it’s making me purr like a kitty cat. I’m currently 100+ pages/800 pages in; my tartan print DO NOT DISTURB sign is up, in other words, I expect many late nights. My blogging routine (assuming there was a ‘routine’ to begin with) will shrivel and die, updates will plummet. Translation: A short blogging break. Don’t get your panties in a bunch just yet, I’ll be back in a week.

In the meantime, I’ve created collages that have nothing to do with Outlander! See, love for you…

Also, remember my birthday post where I unmasked my secret identity and you were blown away by my FIERCE Asian features (I wish I were Cho Chang so I could make out with Harry Potter!!!) and trembling as I carved windows into your soul by smiling at you with my slanty eyes?

I had too much fun fiddling with Picassa Collage and created another batch of self-portraits, some of which include me trying on glasses for shits and giggles.

I hope the word ‘feral’ comes to mind. No one can tame me…okay, Jamie Fraser can tame me. Puuurrrrrrrr

Wish me many happy nights as I dive into Jamie Fraser!

I am a dork and I have an unhealthy obsession with Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander. Here’s why:

I know I’m missing characters, but if I actually took the time to cast ALL the characters, I would really have no life. The man hours hunting down pictures for this collage is a badge of my nerdy ways. Plus, the other day at work, I was thinking about buying a pocket protector and no, I am NOT kidding. I thought about fashioning one out of a plastic pencil pouch and had to slap myself.

Outlander is my brand of Star Trek. If there was a convention, I would drape myself in head to toe tartan and be the first in line. Wait, I’ve already crashed the local Scottish Fair. I was the only Asian there. Nobody looked like Jamie. I was sad and wept tears of sad out of my slanty eyes. This sounds like a Haiku. The end.

UPDATE: In which I embiggen the images to save you eye strain.

Cleopatra’s Daughter by Michelle Moran

Juba. Repeat after me: Juuubaaaa. I like to roll that name over my tongue like a Jolly Rancher. Ditto the character.  I’m speaking of Juba the Roman spy whose sardonic one-liners reminds me of Nat Eaton…in a toga.

R-rated opening line aside, Cleopatra’s Daughter is so PG-13 I expected dinosaurs to pop up and spray me with black goo Jurassic Park-style.

That being said, I loved Cleopatra’s Daughter so HARD. I even reminisce about that time I spent three blissful nights reading it. When I had to return it to the library, I knelt by the book drop and stared longingly at the cover; you had to pry the book from my cold dead hands because I couldn’t part with it!

Cleo’s Daughter picks up immediately after Marc Antony falls on his sword and Cleopatra opts for death by snake. Their children, Selene and Alexander, are swept away to Rome by the diabolical Emperor Octavian as trophies in his game of Risk or pawns in his game of chess or pieces in his game of Battle Ship.

While Alexander is seduced by the chaise lounging, chariot racing Roman way of life, Selene longs to reclaim the Egyptian throne. Plus, Selene lives in perpetual fear that Octavian might, and I quote the great Keanu Reeves, “Shoot the Hostage” to secure his Caesar-ship.

In the meantime, there’s Rome and stab-you-in-the-forum DRAMARAMA. I’m rubbing my palms together and jumping up and down in glee because there’s so much Ssscandal in Cleo’s Daughter I don’t know where to begin! Should I tell you about Octavian’s bitchy empress and how she mastermind a SLAVE RAPE? Or about the dashing Red Eagle who is Robin Hood, Spartacus, and the Scarlet Pimpernel rolled into one?

*Fans self* As I’ve mentioned before, JUBA! How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways. I’ve already compared you to Nat Eaton, who is practically the Puritan version of Mr. Darcy, ergo, Juba, you are Mr. Darcy and I am smitten by your cheese grater abs, your chiseled bust, your fine stallion-riding legs and your George Clooney circa ER haircut.

A+

Let me be your book pimp. Read this book.

While you’re at it, I’m going to get down on my hands and knees and beg you to watch HBO’s ROME (my favorite TV show that is no longer on TV). Due to an overpriced set and costume budget, HBO canned ROME during its 2^nd Season and I was devastated. Inconsolable. Reading Cleo’s Daughter was like reading the non-existent 3^rd Season.  No, don’t go ‘yeah, yeah, I’ll put it on my To Be Watched list and forget about it.’ DO. IT.

Don’t make me shake my virtual fist!

In order to get you to do my bidding, I give you this analogy.

Rome:TV::Outlander:Books.

I am comparing this show to Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series and if you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I am a die hard Outlander fan. A quarter of my blog’s content is dedicated to Outlander casting. Notice how I bolded and underlined the above phrase. Unfortunately, there’s no double triple underline, so I am literally grabbing you by the shirt and shaking you until you say ‘Uncle.’

I grovel at your feet. “Please…PLEASE! I want to be your TV pimp.” If you ignore my pleas, I’ll whine and throw a tantrum on the floor and chuck my snot rag at you and then I will become so distraught that I will do like the Romans do and FALL ON MY SWORD. In short, you must watch ROME to save my life.

Also, every guy in ROME is hot and they get naked. There. Point made.