Old Maid

So folks are telling me I’m getting old. Granted, a lot of the folks I know (bless their bitter little hearts) tend to be assholes and extremely age obsessed. Allow me to recreate a scene from my real life. This is my embittered co-worker giving advice to naive co-worker: “You better get a ring on your finger soon or you’ll end up an old maid like TY.”
Being naturally spunky, I’m all: “I age like fine wine, you !$#^%#$.”
Whereas embittered coworker counters with, “Wine from the Titanic that nobody wants.”
My reply: “Wine from the Titanic is the best wine of all!”

I’m only 27 and as much as I would like to retire from the workforce, the fact that I can’t collect Social Security means I’m not that old. I’d be the first to admit that for a large part of my early twenties, I lived in fear of reaching 30. My obsession with The Witch of Blackbird Pond is partly to blame since Kit Tyler and her cousins got hitched by the ripe old age of 16. Now that I’m almost 30 and surrounded by 21-year-olds dreading 23, I don’t see anything wrong with being a 30 or 40 or 50 year old woman, single, childless, and LIKING IT. So I’ve been going around telling people I can’t wait to turn 30 and the response is always a baffled, sometimes horrified WHY??? They think I have very warped ideas. I think society is warped. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a Jane Austen novel and that’s not a good feeling.


2011 Books Read

Better late than never. Remember how I used to blog and make OCD-worthy lists and collages of all I’d read? I still make lists, but collages these days, while never extinct, are few and far between.

2011 was a slim yet memorable reading year. I discovered Lisa Kleypas and dedicated the entire spring to reading her backlists. And new author crush: Stephanie Perkins! I plan to write an entire blog post on how much I swooned during the reading of Lola and the Boy Next Door.

The Wild Rose, the  final installment of Jennifer Donnelly’s Rose Trilogy came out in August covered in awesome sauce. There were Lawrence of Arabia and motorcar chases, dude.

In between, there were many ‘Did Not Finished’ books. I’m a notorious abandon-er of books (known to abandon on the last few pages!), so I don’t count something as ‘Read’ unless I read or liberally skimmed every. single. word.

Oh, and I read The Witch of Blackbird Pond again. It’s a sickness. This is re-read #12.

Jan. 2011
Room by Emma Donoghue

Feb 2011
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare (re-read)
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (re-read)

March 2011
Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (Re-read).
Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypas
Blue-Eyed Devil by Lisa Kleypas

April 2011
Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas
It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas
After the Night by Linda Howard
Mine Till Midnight by Lisa Kleypas

May 2011
Scandal in Spring by Lisa Kleypas
Seduce Me At Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas
Tempt Me At Twilight by Lisa Kleypas
Married by Morning by Lisa Kleypas
Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins
Love in the Afternoon by Lisa Kleypas

June 2009
Intensity by Dean Koontz
The Lost City of Z by David Grann (liberal skimming)

July 2011
A Shore Thing by Snooki
Jane by April Lindner

August 2011
The Wild Rose by Jennifer Donnelly
Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly (liberal skimming)

September 2011
Fury by Elizabeth Miles

October 2011
Love, Aubrey by Suzanne LaFleur
If Tomorrow Comes by Sidney Sheldon
Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins

Dec 2011
Legend by Marie Lu

You thought you’ve seen the last of me…

and you would be WRONG. Ho ho, guess who’s blogging again.

Okay, so here’s the deal. I’ve been tugging my hair out tinkering with the dreaded query letter and giving myself an ulcer that no amount of Junior Mints could cure. So in my rare, vulnerable moments on ye ole blog in which I express that I have a soul, I’d like to say:  if I don’t get published…I will cry. Deep, heart-wrenching, sobs. Heathcliffian head-banging on tree, howling on the moors type of weeping.

For you see, unless I am high on caffeine or the prospect of watching Michael Fassbender’s Shame on a High Definition big screen TV, I am a reticent girl in person. But if I am doing my job right, my novel and query letter will have an authorial voice that BOOMS. Much like how I like to type in ALL CAPs here.

Oh dear. I am having a melodramatic freak-out in which only a picture of Michael Fassbender’s abs could cure.

Squeal! OMFG! And other high-pitched fangirl sound effects

I haven’t blogged in ages and most of my readers (if there are any left) are probably tiffed at me for disappearing without reappearing, so I’ll start by apologizing and humming some lines from Evita –“hum hum hum… you must love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

In the interim, I’ve finished the 4th draft of my novel and am editing the hell out of it.  It has everything I love in a book: sex, lies, ghosts, atmospheric fog, haunted houses, knives, dark family secrets, love four squares (which is more salacious than your run of the mill Love Triangle), people slapping people in the face, and cat fights.  Prepare to learn NOTHING and be scandalized. My novel has the nutritional value of a bag of cheese doodles. I intend to make you fat. Optimistically speaking, I hope to query by mid-Jan to late Feb.

In other squeal-able news: you are aware that I have this unhealthy, stalkerish obsession for Christopher Pike, right? This morning, I woke up to a comment by the elusive Pike himself! I was skeptical at first, but after a thorough cross-examination of possible suspects who could be effing with me, I’ve concluded that the comment could be authentic. And then I proceeded to glitter like a Cullen. Imagine! C.Pike was on my blog. Maybe trolling through my archives? This is the stuff DREAMS are made of! Not your dreams. My dreams.

Read the comment yourself. I hope he doesn’t mind. And I really hope he hadn’t stumbled upon the post in which I compared him to The Phantom of the Opera.

T.Y. This is the real Christopher Pike. My gf caught your blog and she asked me to wish you a happy birthday because…well, I just had a birthday, on November 12th, and she thought you would be happy to hear from me on such a special day, even if I am a little late. Oh, and I’m supposed to deny being someone crazy on Amazon. I get that occasionally, where someone says they’re me. The one place I do often post is on the main Christopher Pike fan page on Facebook. That guy IS me, and you can write me there, although I often take a while to respond. But be reassured that I don’t post reviews of my books and I never attack people who dislike my novels, especially since I’m probably my own worst critic!
Yours, Christopher Pike aka Kevin McFadden
P.S. I do run. I do wear New Balance shoes.
P.S.S. Unfortunately, I don’t look like Harrison Ford. More like the Elephant Man. Sorry.

Stop being humble Christopher Pike! If by ‘Elephant Man,’ you mean THIS:

The Great Book Make-Out

I like pictures of people making-out. I like pictures of books. I found this picture on the intrawebs and it’s a stew of all my likes. It brightens what’s left of my heart.

Am dropping in to tell you that I am …almost, almost done with my WIP. Then I can read and blog without guilt. But for now, nose! Back to grindstone.

The Hunger Games Movie Casting (thoughts)

If you’re like me–a not-so-secret Hunger Games fangirl–you’ve probably prowled the four corners of the web waiting for any tidbits of casting news for the forthcoming movie. I’ve been known to indulge in book to movie fantasy casting in the past and I’ve even assembled my own Hunger Games cast last year, so when the actors for the Peeta/Katniss/Gale roles were announced, how could I let the opportunity slip by without offering my two cents?

This whole Hunger Games movie brings about so much nail-biting anxiety, especially in lieu of ‘The Great Twilight Debacle.” Because I love The Hunger Games so freaking much, I will be devastated, no, inconsolable, if the movies descends into a Michael Bay meets Twilight CGI noise-fest. In short, I’d like to impart a few words to Hollywood: Please don’t F**k this up!

KATNISS: Any actress cast in this role is sure to receive criticism. After all, these are large hunter boots to fill…Jennifer Lawrence has Oscar creds, I’m actually rather relieved she’s going to play my favorite YA heroine, though I speak from Oscar awe and not from having seen Winter’s Bone. My first choice (highly improbable due to age) was Summer Galu the Terminator girl: so perfect for the role but alas, we’re about five years too late. So Jennifer Lawrence, huh? I’m trying to imagine her sooty-faced and shooting arrows into people’s asses and you know what? I could totally see it! Give the girl a bottle of hair dye and some archery lessons and let’s see if she can incite a revolution. Plus, she’s got Suzanne Collins’ personal approval but the verdict is still out until I’ve seen Winter’s Bone.

Katniss by LitCon on Polyvore.com

PEETA: My first reaction upon hearing that Josh Hutcherson was going to play the baker boy was “Who the heck is Josh Hutcherson?” followed by “This dude has Batman’s (of the Animated series) jaw! So strong, so square!” Plus, the pictures of him sporting a fohawk was not helping his cause. An IMDB search revealed Josh H. as the somber, doe-eyed kid in 2007’s Bridge to Teribithia movie… Ah. What a relief! There was a lot of soulful ‘staring-off-into-the-distance as I contemplate my mortality’ scenes in Bridge to Teribithia, which Josh H. OWNED and he was all of twelve years old. I hoped he’s brushed up on his meaningful stares because Peeta waxes philosophic ALL THE TIME. Remember “Real vs. Not Real?” in Mockingjay? Or the “Let us stand on the rooftop and gaze upon the city while we decide how we should die with dignity” scene in Hunger Games? This square jawed, chin-dimpled boy has my seal of approval! As for the hair, I’m sure the stylist who bleached Tom Felton’s hair in the Harry Potter movies will welcome the commission…

Peeta by LitCon on Polyvore.com

GALE: Liam Hemsworth?!!!!  As in the Captain America look-a-like who romanced Miley Cyrus with BABY SEA TURTLES in The Last Song?!!! Oh God… OH MAN! Oh GOD! OH MAN! Let me take a moment to drop to my knees and howl: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! As you can see, I was not pleased with the casting. Up until the end of Mockingjay, I was waving the Team Gale banner to victory. I knew it was a lost cause but guys, Gale… Hunter. Adonis. Henry Cavill in the movie of my mind! Perhaps I’m being unfair to Liam and yet, the taint of that sacchrine Nicholas Sparks movie coupled with being Miley Cyprus’ off screen arm candy is hard to shake.