Squeal! OMFG! And other high-pitched fangirl sound effects

I haven’t blogged in ages and most of my readers (if there are any left) are probably tiffed at me for disappearing without reappearing, so I’ll start by apologizing and humming some lines from Evita –“hum hum hum… you must love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

In the interim, I’ve finished the 4th draft of my novel and am editing the hell out of it.  It has everything I love in a book: sex, lies, ghosts, atmospheric fog, haunted houses, knives, dark family secrets, love four squares (which is more salacious than your run of the mill Love Triangle), people slapping people in the face, and cat fights.  Prepare to learn NOTHING and be scandalized. My novel has the nutritional value of a bag of cheese doodles. I intend to make you fat. Optimistically speaking, I hope to query by mid-Jan to late Feb.

In other squeal-able news: you are aware that I have this unhealthy, stalkerish obsession for Christopher Pike, right? This morning, I woke up to a comment by the elusive Pike himself! I was skeptical at first, but after a thorough cross-examination of possible suspects who could be effing with me, I’ve concluded that the comment could be authentic. And then I proceeded to glitter like a Cullen. Imagine! C.Pike was on my blog. Maybe trolling through my archives? This is the stuff DREAMS are made of! Not your dreams. My dreams.

Read the comment yourself. I hope he doesn’t mind. And I really hope he hadn’t stumbled upon the post in which I compared him to The Phantom of the Opera.

T.Y. This is the real Christopher Pike. My gf caught your blog and she asked me to wish you a happy birthday because…well, I just had a birthday, on November 12th, and she thought you would be happy to hear from me on such a special day, even if I am a little late. Oh, and I’m supposed to deny being someone crazy on Amazon. I get that occasionally, where someone says they’re me. The one place I do often post is on the main Christopher Pike fan page on Facebook. That guy IS me, and you can write me there, although I often take a while to respond. But be reassured that I don’t post reviews of my books and I never attack people who dislike my novels, especially since I’m probably my own worst critic!
Yours, Christopher Pike aka Kevin McFadden
P.S. I do run. I do wear New Balance shoes.
P.S.S. Unfortunately, I don’t look like Harrison Ford. More like the Elephant Man. Sorry.

Stop being humble Christopher Pike! If by ‘Elephant Man,’ you mean THIS:

The Hunger Games on Vanity Fair

In minor squeal-able news, I stumbled upon this Hunger Games cast photo shoot on Vanity Fair and my pulse began racing.

And this new Hunger Games poster!

The Great Book Make-Out

I like pictures of people making-out. I like pictures of books. I found this picture on the intrawebs and it’s a stew of all my likes. It brightens what’s left of my heart.

Am dropping in to tell you that I am …almost, almost done with my WIP. Then I can read and blog without guilt. But for now, nose! Back to grindstone.

The Hunger Games Movie Casting (thoughts)

If you’re like me–a not-so-secret Hunger Games fangirl–you’ve probably prowled the four corners of the web waiting for any tidbits of casting news for the forthcoming movie. I’ve been known to indulge in book to movie fantasy casting in the past and I’ve even assembled my own Hunger Games cast last year, so when the actors for the Peeta/Katniss/Gale roles were announced, how could I let the opportunity slip by without offering my two cents?

This whole Hunger Games movie brings about so much nail-biting anxiety, especially in lieu of ‘The Great Twilight Debacle.” Because I love The Hunger Games so freaking much, I will be devastated, no, inconsolable, if the movies descends into a Michael Bay meets Twilight CGI noise-fest. In short, I’d like to impart a few words to Hollywood: Please don’t F**k this up!

KATNISS: Any actress cast in this role is sure to receive criticism. After all, these are large hunter boots to fill…Jennifer Lawrence has Oscar creds, I’m actually rather relieved she’s going to play my favorite YA heroine, though I speak from Oscar awe and not from having seen Winter’s Bone. My first choice (highly improbable due to age) was Summer Galu the Terminator girl: so perfect for the role but alas, we’re about five years too late. So Jennifer Lawrence, huh? I’m trying to imagine her sooty-faced and shooting arrows into people’s asses and you know what? I could totally see it! Give the girl a bottle of hair dye and some archery lessons and let’s see if she can incite a revolution. Plus, she’s got Suzanne Collins’ personal approval but the verdict is still out until I’ve seen Winter’s Bone.

Katniss by LitCon on Polyvore.com

PEETA: My first reaction upon hearing that Josh Hutcherson was going to play the baker boy was “Who the heck is Josh Hutcherson?” followed by “This dude has Batman’s (of the Animated series) jaw! So strong, so square!” Plus, the pictures of him sporting a fohawk was not helping his cause. An IMDB search revealed Josh H. as the somber, doe-eyed kid in 2007’s Bridge to Teribithia movie… Ah. What a relief! There was a lot of soulful ‘staring-off-into-the-distance as I contemplate my mortality’ scenes in Bridge to Teribithia, which Josh H. OWNED and he was all of twelve years old. I hoped he’s brushed up on his meaningful stares because Peeta waxes philosophic ALL THE TIME. Remember “Real vs. Not Real?” in Mockingjay? Or the “Let us stand on the rooftop and gaze upon the city while we decide how we should die with dignity” scene in Hunger Games? This square jawed, chin-dimpled boy has my seal of approval! As for the hair, I’m sure the stylist who bleached Tom Felton’s hair in the Harry Potter movies will welcome the commission…

Peeta by LitCon on Polyvore.com

GALE: Liam Hemsworth?!!!!  As in the Captain America look-a-like who romanced Miley Cyrus with BABY SEA TURTLES in The Last Song?!!! Oh God… OH MAN! Oh GOD! OH MAN! Let me take a moment to drop to my knees and howl: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! As you can see, I was not pleased with the casting. Up until the end of Mockingjay, I was waving the Team Gale banner to victory. I knew it was a lost cause but guys, Gale… Hunter. Adonis. Henry Cavill in the movie of my mind! Perhaps I’m being unfair to Liam and yet, the taint of that sacchrine Nicholas Sparks movie coupled with being Miley Cyprus’ off screen arm candy is hard to shake.

Gale by LitCon on Polyvore.com

Wallflowers: I’m a Lisa Kleypas fan for life!

Why haven’t I discovered Lisa Kelypas sooner? So recently I’ve been devouring one Kelypas novel after another. They are as addictive as crack or, since I’ve never done crack, they are like… a big bag of hot Cheetos: spicy and finger-licking good. Not that I go around licking my fingers after I read these novels. I checked them out from the library and they came to me severely abused and covered in germs. Ick!

SQUEAL!!!!!!  The Wallflower series! This post is a little premature since I am still on waitlist for Scandal in the Spring, but dudes! I cannot get these books out of my mind. Here’s the whirlwind set-up: sick of being snubbed by all the eligible bachelors in upper-crusty Victorian England, four young women band together to help each other catch husbands. Each heroine has a social defect (too poor, too American, too shy) which has previously branded her undesirable in the marriage game until she finds the right man.

For the week, I have been in bliss! So much so that I’ve made collages of my two favorite books in the series (The Devil in Winter and It Happened One Autumn). While I liked Secrets of a Summer’s Night, I didn’t love it enough to make a collage and you should know by now that a collage from me means business! Fair warning, the following will probably make sense for those who have read the books. I will now commence with my fangirl rambling…

The best thing about IT HAPPENED ONE AUTUMN (pictured below) is the hero/heroine mash up. The key to good romance is all the pairing and the best pairings are always between polar opposites. Lillian Bowman is a brazen American soap heiress who can cuss like a sailor and ride like a man while Marcus, Lord Westcliff is the most proper gentleman in all of England and he WILL look down his aristocratic nose at YOU. In fact, his is exactly like Mr. Darcy right down to the “My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.” This book IS Pride and Prejudice except with sexy times in secret gardens and abductions involving handcuffs and very proper British men fighting, which in it self is hilarious! Think Hugh Grant and Colin Firth’s fight in Bridget Jone’s Diary…yeah, it’s that kind of fighting.

And because Lord Westcliff reminded me so much of Colin Firth, who is, in my opinion, the perfect British gentleman, I’ve put him in my collage

It Happened One Autumn by LitCon on Polyvore.com

Next up THE DEVIL IN WINTER. This book skyrocketed to one of my top romance picks in such a short time. Sebastian St. Vincent (the villain from It Happened One Autumn) is the most beautiful man in England. In today’s terms, he is a notorious man whore until he is brought to his knees and redeemed by the shyest wallflower: stuttering Evangeline Jenner. Theirs is a marriage of convenience (he is an impoverished aristocrat in need of money, she is an heiress in need of a husband’s protection from her abusive guardians). So yes, I’ve seen this match-up a million times. It’s been done. And yet, so much of Romance depend on the telling and in this case, it was told exquisitely. There’s so much to love about this book, but if I had to choose, I’d say what really got me was St. Vincent’s character transformation from a callow rake to a man of substance. He pretends not to care for Evie and she’s all “You’re not the villain you pretend to be” while he insists “Yes I am!” but then secretly wears her wedding ring around his neck. Ohhh!!!! This reminds me of The English Patient in which Ralph Fiennes is carrying Kristen Scott Thomas’ battered body to their secret cave and he discovers that thimble around her neck and he’s all *Sniff sniff* “You’re wearing my thimble” and she’s all *in proper British accent* “I’ve always worn your timble. I’VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU…” And Ralph Fiennes descends into wrenching man sobs, which I think is utterly HEARTBREAKING but my boyfriend thinks is a shameless bid for an Oscar nod. But you know what? I like to see men cry!!!! Bravo Ralph Fiennes! Bravo! Oh, I am such a sucker when it comes to reading about these indirect displays of affection. P.S. Redemption is my favorite word. During the reading, I pictured Rupert Friend as St. Vincent, who is described as a feral tomcat. The picture of Rupert Friend with his hair blowing in the wind is definitely…feral.

P.S. I wish we could play in real life. We could spend the afternoon acting out scenes from The English Patient. One more for the road. Me as Kristen Scott Thomas. Imagine that I still look good after a fatal plane crash: “Promise you’ll come back for me. PROMISE…” And you could be Ralph Fiennes. You’ll look at me with your signature piercing stare and say “I promise…”  I’ll die and you’ll carry me into your plane. Then we’ll get shot down by Nazi gunners TOGETHER and I’ll perish in the flames and you’ll have your beautiful face INCINERATED and look like Voldermort for the rest of the movie. Fortunately, The Devil in Winter has a much happier ending. Nobody’s face gets burned off.

The Devil In Winter by LitCon featuring prom ball gowns

Romance Novels, Puffy Shirts, and Musicals

Sometimes I’m seized with the need to blog my random thoughts yet hold myself back because randomness=off-putting. Considering that a month long blogging break also equals off-putting, I figured ‘What the heck? You only blog once, right?’

God, I love romance novels. There was a time in say, middle school, when I was not so proud of my romance novel reading habits but now I have fully embraced my love of the genre. A monthly dose of sexy times does a body good! Lately I just discovered a new favorite author (Lisa Kleypas via The Booksmugglers) and after polishing off Devil in Winter and Sugar Daddy, I’ve morphed into a fangirl and placed three more of her titles on hold. I’ve read the reformed rake + virginal heiress story a million times so you’d think I’ve seen it all, but damn it if it does get me every time. Sigh… Oh dudes! I am a swooner. I really do put the book down, roll my eyes back, and SWOON. I also fan myself because SOB…so romantic!

Speaking of Romantic: this trailer for The Princess of Montpensier is freaking me out in all kinds of good ways. Let me just highlight and ALL CAPS a few key words: GASPARD ULLIEL + PUFFY WHITE SHIRT + SWASHBUCKLING ROMANCE NOVEL PLOT.

Change of topic… So I discovered there’s a Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert floating around on DVD somewhere and freaked-the-eff-out! To fully understand the freak out, here’s some background information on my Les Mis obsession. ‘Twas my senior year of college and like any undergrad pursuing what would eventually become a useless liberal arts degree, I was prowling my local library shelf in search of an answer to or a distraction from my future. My browsing fingers tripped upon a VHS of the 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables, which blew my mind upon the first viewing so much so that I immediately rewind and watched it again. And again…until I could bellow “On My Own” in the shower. Then came the soundtrack (in English and French) which I played on a continuous loop between bouts of Wicked. I give ‘obsession’ a new name. Anyway, this is all to say: a new Les Mis concert! But alas, I squandered away an hour of my precious writing time watching clips of it on YouTube and was aghast to discover a Jonas Brother as Marius, who in turn, BUTCHERED “A Little Fall of Rain” and left me spewing vile words that cannot be repeated here.

Back to puffy shirts: my beloved boyfriend created a Jamie Fraser avatar on his XBOX just for me! Since there were no kilts in this virtual wardrobe, we dressed him in a puffy pirate shirt and black tights and pretended this is Jamie disguised as a Musketeer.

The Great Gatsby

The Great Gatsby

I planned to re-read The Great Gatsby upon hearing the news that it’s going to be made into a movie and for the sole reason that I don’t remember a darn thing about it. Plus, I’ve entered a phase in which I think I’ve experience enough of life that I could go back and re-read classic novels and finally understand what they mean. That’s not to suggest I wasn’t a deep reader as a teen, but now, in the case of Jay Gatsby, I totally know what its like to harbor a dream and have life shatter said dream into a million jagged little pieces. To quote Fantine from Les Miserable the musical: “Life has killed the dream I dreamed…” The bitter examination of the American Dream, folks. Doesn’t get more depressing than that.

I like the idea of Gatsby more than I like the character. This has got to be said and the literary purist might burn me in effigy, but it was super hard for me to get involved in this book. It was descriptive, sometimes beautifully so (“The exhilaration of her laughter was like a wild tonic in the rain” anyone?) yet why do I not care? Why do I care more about the cast of characters in a romance novel than the Great American novel? Is there something wrong with me? Anyway, empathy…I have none. But the idea of Gatsby, the rich yet lonely man staring at the green dock lights across the bay is oh so romantic. He bought a mansion across from Daisy’s mansion just so he could watch her, which is kind of an expensive way to stalk somebody when the ole bushes n’ binoculars method would suffice.

My parting random thought:
“He dispensed starlight….” What does this mean? I was quite perplexed and this sentence found its way into conversation at work. Combined with all the twinkling that goes on when Gatsby’s around, we likened Gatsby to Edward Cullen and Daisy to Bella. Ha! How do I dare make such a blasphemous analogy! I bet F. Scott Fitzgerald is rolling over in his grave.

My Stalker Mug

It’s not easy being a stalker…

But having a ginormous mug commemorating your creeper status does bring a tear to my eye.

Surely I jest. I’m not really a stalker. NOT YET! (More jesting). Rest assured, you won’t find me hiding in Christopher Pike’s bushes clutching a pair of binoculars any time soon. I prefer the telephoto lens…

I am, however, the queen of the inside joke. So much so that one of my co-workers made this mug for me.

That’s supposed to be me! My heart-shaped sunglasses represents my lovestruck status, but I think it makes me look certifiably insane. I also have fairy wings and an abnormally large head. In real life, I do resemble a walking candy apple. Too much brain!  Since I like to think of Christopher Pike as a reclusive and  romantic figure akin to The Phantom of the Opera, the tag says “Call me your ANGEL OF FICTION!”

Tag: “I Love Stalking C. Pike.”

I hope Christopher Pike doesn’t take a break from writing his novels of the night, Google himself, and stumble upon this post. The last thing I need is another restraining order…

 

 

 

My pocket protector is better than your pocket protector

At dayjob (in my darker moments I refer to it as slavejob) I carry around an arsenal of pens. This is a requirement as I sign away my LIFE every single day. Mostly I carry around these pens in hopes that one day I may jab one in my eye and put myself out of my misery. But let’s save the ‘death by writing instrument’ talk for another day. So pens. Lots of pens, my friends. Sharpies. Markers. Ballpoint beauties that you click or twist or uncap. And here’s a secret between you and me: sometimes I carry around UNCAPED pens. Here’s another secret: I LIKE IT! I am an ink wielding deviant! My pockets are as stained as my soul.

So last summer I splurged on a pocket protector and became the envy of one and all. My pocket protector is made of clear plastic. I would’ve liked to purchase a neon glow-in-the-dark one like the kind you see the nerds wear on Saved by the Bell, but alas, it was not to be. Still, I was the only cool cat in the office with a pocket protector until…

I discovered that someone else has a pocket protector made of FABRIC. Not only is it made of fabric, but it has DOUBLE POCKETS for double the protection. Why, Office Supply Gods, why? Mark my words: I do not like being usurped! Now I am not so cool anymore carrying around a plastic pp when *she* is flaunting her fabric pp. It’s like elementary school all over again: I had a Trapper Keeper and then someone gets their rich daddy to buy them a Five Star. So unfair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Felt good to get that off my chest. I’m going to go now and throw a tantrum on the floor.

I begin 2011 freezing in my whale hunter jacket

As I’m writing this, I am wearing two pairs of pants, one turtleneck, a fleecy sweater, and a big puffy whale hunter jacket, fur lined hood pulled up. God I feel cool, no pun intended. Actually, I feel like I could join forces with Ernest Shackleton on Elephant Island and maybe nibble on cubes of Walrus fat for sustenance. I must stop typing every few seconds and blow hot pockets of air into my frozen palms.  I am also thinking of adding an extra pair of socks over the socks I already have on. This is the perfect time to pick a fight; my extra padding is the ultimate body armor. If you punch me I doubt I’ll feel it.

What does this have to do with books? Either I need to read a book set in warmer climes (any recs?) or I’m about to tear up the pages of a few Horrible Dare Novels and start a bonfire OR stuff them down my Whale Hunter jacket or dare I say it? down my pants. More padding is always appreciated.

Anyway, to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution to blog more, I just wanted to wow you with two totally random things.

A collage of My Wardrobe Remix of Spring-Fall of 2010. They remind me of warmer days when I looked normal and not like I’m about to spear a polar bear. In case you’re wondering if I’m a secret mother: I have not yet produced offspring (and probably won’t if I keep referring to children as ‘offspring.’) The little girl is my cousin, I call her Mini Me, and I borrowed her for picture purposes because she likes to ladypose more than I do.

And I’ve always wanted to do a Teaser Tuesday, except I’m going to be a maverick and do it on Monday. Since I’m not reading anything at this moment, I will grab the closest book and flip to a random page.

This book is Monster by Christopher Pike.

Teaser sentence: “We ate together. In a restaurant. We didn’t eat anybody.”